Glass houses ought to be carefully constructed (they must be); never having built one, myself – I wouldn’t know what it takes to make one. The ones I see in my mind’s eye – there’s light filtering in, making everything luminescent within (I very much like the glinting of gold metal ridges). But that’s a romantic way of looking at it. And as you and I know, there is a lot under the surface or even that that we see that we don’t, truly.

In a sense that is metaphoric maybe, I did try to build a glass house out of this space. I wanted everything to be and look perfect. After all this time away, I wasn’t sure I wanted to return. I still am uncertain. Is this over? The truth is: it might be. I mean, it is difficult to be articulate about this – I do want to start something new, however, over the past night and this morning… I felt something else, too. Volver.

There were feelings of angst and unrest amongst the colloidal particles settling around me. What use were the objects I was carefully tucking away? The book of stories I kept to myself? Was this glass house a home, and if so, what did it protect me from? I felt an untoward gaze upon me, anyway; I possessed no cloak of invisibility. Cobwebs formed, specks of dust everywhere – nothing I did felt good or worthy. I was too busy taking care of glitches, didn’t I say? Everything had to be perfect.

No more.

P.S. There are other one-sided conversations I would like to have; I should tell you now to expect a flurry of posts – as the weeks unfold.


Artwork by Roanna Fernandes



Okay, I have been gone a long time. I am not sure how it happened so, then again – I think I know. Can I just say that I am really excited to be back? I have sincerely missed you too. Sorely! (I am breaking into a huge grin as I type.) How are you? How have you been? Everything good? Not bad, not good? Figuring things out?

I would hope you are well. (I am, too.)

Where do I begin?

There is not much to tell, of course, but it has been long and I feel like talking. Okay, so here is one something: I have purchased a monthly subscription to Adobe Illustrator so I can use it alongside Adobe Photoshop and it is one of the better things that I have done, this year! I have much to learn (re-learn?) but yes, finalmente. (I have developed a mild obsessive/compulsive way of thinking over the years – I could have just said Photoshop without the Adobe when I used it in the previous sentence – you would have got it, but I just could not bear to not. I would have not used the word at all, then.)

Because of which, I have drawing on there some more than otherwise, and I randomly thought of making a project/series etc. of it on my Tumblr blog. The series is called Women of My World and I am protective/proud of it. Of course, some of the women may have some ‘drawing defects’ (sorry, my beautiful women) but I do not know! These women are special to me, they were my friends when I was bored at home – feeling dejected/depressed/lonely (about two months ago). I also have been meaning to acquire more work (of the illustrative variety, etc.); usually, a few folks reach out to me every year but it would be nice if I could manage to hear of interesting projects outside of this ‘tiny pool of reach’, and pitch for more projects (not too many) etc.

Oh yes, and the title of this post. Yes, somewhat apt, I could say! I have not been hiding but I have been scuttling about in the woods… I have been looking for something, walking on an unbeaten path (Don’t you hate the way I talk or write sometimes?), and falling down deep tunnels (not as intriguing as Alice’s adventures) and feeling beaten and broken etc. – however, every now and then, I seek refuge in a cosy hollow; ferns, leaves and saplings have been growing all over the place or I bump into worker bees who want to teach me that working hard is one of the world’s oldest methods to make the brain feel good. So I am happy, in a general sense. It is the little stratosphere around me – that bit is okay. It is good. There are pollutants that infiltrate etc.; some, I have no protection against. I am not trying to control every little thing, I am making decisions on my own, and I am trying. Really hard. (I want it to hurt!)

I am hoping to make something better of myself.

I am scared, though. (Though I think immersing oneself into a body of something is good; the word itself is light, it is not coercive or forceful or persuasive – it is healing. It is letting you breathe/do/make – complete with a very faint prickle of urgency. All in good measure, to get your ‘floating situation’ in order.)

There is more to come.

P.S. This post may have been all over the place; I do not apologise for it being so. I am happy to be writing here, again! Over the last few months and weeks, I was in a mind to delete a great big chunk of my posts from long ago. They were bothering me. There was a disconnect. I did not know what to write about. Shallow and superficial were two of the words hovering in my mind’s eye, all the fucking time. I do not directly help anyone through this platform, I know this… I am not sure if that is/was the primary purpose of this blog. But I have feelings I would like to express, and some thoughts too. Lots of in-between tales, I would hope you understand that this space has its shortcomings – I can accept that. It is dear to me; I love my other children too. I hope you do not just see this as a puerile place, it would feel horrid. I want my work to have meaning (whatever I do in life, no – not just jobs, necessarily.)


Artwork by Roanna Fernandes


256 A Flower in the Desert

(Oh, it feels good to know in advance that this is not going to be a long post!) Okay, so you have seen this cactus before… I just placed it into a pot for the sake of converting this illustration into one of my Confetti Stickers – yeah, remember those? This one is symbolic of all the good I find around me, even in moments of deep distress. So, thank you flowers, you are my friends, and you know who you are!

Somewhat related but also not, I am no good with plants – growing, or taking care of them. Perhaps I will foster one this year, my friend Ashwita (Hosbettu) did promise me a succulent! Do you grow plants at home? Which ones, and what do you like about growing them? I recently bought some chilli seeds in Auroville (Pondicherry) as a little something-something for one of my “planter friends” in the city.


Artwork by Roanna Fernandes



247 Violet Hill

Ever since the last post like this, though I did not think of making this a series then, I wanted to write a few more similar posts. Attaining peace of mind is never easy, and sometimes talking to someone or writing about stuff helps put one in a better mood. (I know, I know, it’s a very “Well, d-uh!” kind of revelation.) Anyway, so I have been rather muddled about something – and I am trying to channel some of it, here – by way of talking to myself! ❤ (Make what you will, of this piece, and/or such.)

Dream about all that you want. Embellish a bit, write down your scattered thoughts and make lists… Paint a picture, etc. This is what you want right? Will it be good for you? Do you want to find out? Dream some more, make a goal.

Desire it. Can you do that? The universe is listening, it gives you what you want – and sometimes, all that you do not know if you need but can handle. Be pure about your intentions. Will your desires create something positive?

Dedicate to do it well, and by that, I mean – go in with your heart. There’s a difference, because you need not necessarily pour your heart and soul into it, not immediately. Don’t dwell on the future, think of the days as they come and go, deal with what you can with what you have.

Decide if it is what you want. Or that it is what you want! (Completely on your own; do not ask for or seek help… This is all you, all you.)

Do it. Do it… Do eet. DO EET! (We call that taking chances, because you will never truly know if you don’t.)

P.S. Was this helpful, or did it read too weird? Erm, also, dear friends, I have made a couple of colourful necklaces that are being sold on And some greeting cards, on Cupick – uh-huh! Ooh, so if we know each other IRL, you must know how much I looooove making cards and jewellery so please, please order away?


Artwork by Roanna Fernandes