THE LIGHT IS COMING

269 The Light Is Coming

Or is it not… Did the light take a cosmic detour? 

Hey, hey, so, I’ve been away. – Oh, and this is a picture I took (of my reflection in a floor-length mirror at Café Cassia in Bangalore) on my 31st birthday, etc. I know it is unusual to share pictures of myself on my blog but I thought, Hey, why not? (It was a lovely day, and I liked my outfit.) I don’t usually photograph well and hate posting pictures of myself on a public forum unless I have taken the picture (and think it looks fine) or yeah… I know, so finicky and weird. Well, that’s me in a nutshell for you! (Nothing alluring/inviting, there.)

So back to the topic at hand, I thought I’d drop some gems (much like in the photograph)! Or maybe just tell you what has been going on, which is, basically, nothing. I am still looking for a job, so there is that. May has been complete mayhem to say the least, I have never before felt the depth of emotions so destructive and distressing, as I did, last month. How’d I escape its confining clutches? (I tried.) There was a two-hour DMT (Dance/Movement Therapy) workshop and a spooky story-telling sesh that I attended (on different days); I met some friends (Ashwita and Krutika) and worked on a mini-series called #mermay (just for kicks, or uh, fins), etc.

What I’m hoping is that June is better. That I can finally get somewhere, be doing something (I promise to pay it forward). I’ve been in the same place for so long, and everyone, everything is just passing me by. Adding to the overall despondency of this post; I had a few bad depressive episodes this month and do you know what’s even sadder? I don’t have enough to see a counsellor on a regular basis or anything (don’t worry; there is something else that could perhaps work out). Anyway, I know they say that it gets worse before it gets better… So, I definitely won’t stop trying. (Please don’t be laughing at me, I’d cry harder if you were to. All the best, ¡mis amigos! May June bring out your compassion and courage, confidence and creativity… I wish you the warmest of viiiiibes.)

(Should you be interested, the marigold-themed silk blouse is from H&M – it was a gift from my mother and my jeans are the 711 Skinny from Levi’s; I wore Minila’s gold Kolhapuri chappals on my feet, a beautiful coral reef necklace from SHOP LUNE on my neck, hoop earrings from H&M in my ears, and a new watch on my wrist (my friend Magali helped me snag this babe from Casio at an excellent price!). 

P.S. Look, don’t get me wrong… I know I rarely get into a super sad mood here on the blog, and that too, on the first day of the month! But know this, I’m always forthcoming on here, and I couldn’t pretend things were better. I mean, yeah, there’s so much to be thankful for. Even so, I do feel emotionally/mentally drained. I’d like to have done something. I’d like to be seen as worthy; only I am not and I feel like I am the human equivalent of the song Fix You by Coldplay. I mean, it’s utterly desperate but kinda hopeful too. That is what I am, right now. Hoping against hope, as Ogden Nash once wrote. (Okay, that brought a smile to my face; it was a crazy poem, wasn’t it?)

***********

Artwork and picture by Roanna Fernandes

Advertisements

VIOLET HILL

247 Violet Hill

Ever since the last post like this, though I did not think of making this a series then, I wanted to write a few more similar posts. Attaining peace of mind is never easy, and sometimes talking to someone or writing about stuff helps put one in a better mood. (I know, I know, it’s a very “Well, d-uh!” kind of revelation.) Anyway, so I have been rather muddled about something – and I am trying to channel some of it, here – by way of talking to myself! ❤ (Make what you will, of this piece, and/or such.)

Dream about all that you want. Embellish a bit, write down your scattered thoughts and make lists… Paint a picture, etc. This is what you want right? Will it be good for you? Do you want to find out? Dream some more, make a goal.

Desire it. Can you do that? The universe is listening, it gives you what you want – and sometimes, all that you do not know if you need but can handle. Be pure about your intentions. Will your desires create something positive?

Dedicate to do it well, and by that, I mean – go in with your heart. There’s a difference, because you need not necessarily pour your heart and soul into it, not immediately. Don’t dwell on the future, think of the days as they come and go, deal with what you can with what you have.

Decide if it is what you want. Or that it is what you want! (Completely on your own; do not ask for or seek help… This is all you, all you.)

Do it. Do it… Do eet. DO EET! (We call that taking chances, because you will never truly know if you don’t.)

P.S. Was this helpful, or did it read too weird? Erm, also, dear friends, I have made a couple of colourful necklaces that are being sold on thejupiterskyeshop.tumblr.com. And some greeting cards, on Cupick – uh-huh! Ooh, so if we know each other IRL, you must know how much I looooove making cards and jewellery so please, please order away?

***********

Artwork by Roanna Fernandes