February has been a month of many happenings – two weddings (Valya married Nigel, Neola married Jason); a birthday (mine); and a most wonderful holiday (thank you, Ajay and Minila), etc. I could say that this time was consuming, but only in the most rewarding way possible. Yeah! I dared! Be cheesy, that is.
It has just been the happiest, healthiest state of mind that I have ever been in – after ages. It blew me away! This February has to be one of the best out of all the Februaries I have lived! (I am supremely grateful, if you couldn’t already tell.) Much of it has to do with my stay in Bangalore, this past week (I am going to cover that in some detail, but not in this post) – everything just feels like “growth”. Things are growing. Blossoming, even. Plants and thoughts, saplings and sounds and whatever-have-you. All good things, all the important ones. (Like I said, truly grateful.)
Birthdays ought to be unusual (there is an auspiciousness of new that accompanies it, I would like to believe) because whatever it was, I experienced something joyful. When I was leaving Bangalore, I felt alive with all the new I discovered (books and gardens, friendships and food, places and people), the ideas I nursed (slowly filling up the jar); my mind was bright – brimming with a peace that comes from possibilities. What a beautiful word, right? Poh-sah-bi-laa-tees.
(Ah, there’s much to tell.)
Artwork by Roanna Fernandes
We are going to want to talk about ‘time’ again, are we not; you know, how it picks up speed ever so slightly making every moment fleeting, etc. Because here we are, once again – at the beginning of an end, at the end of a beginning; and this is the way it must be for how else must we live? How else must we see, how else must we know, how else must we feel? January, you are not quite over – and yet you have been a long and weary-inducing month. I have learned some things, hated some things, discovered some things and then some. But you were here, all the same; so, thank you.
P.S. One of my closest friends, Valya (we used to live at Kalyan Kendra in Bandra, and that is where we met) is getting married to her beau, this weekend; send her some love, should you be inclined to (I hope everything goes well). There are a bunch of events, starting tomorrow… Oh, and see you soon, February, ¡mi amor!
(I have not photographed anything interesting in a while – this reminds me, I have to charge my camera’s batteries; some of my ideas are coming back to life so you can expect to see some good things on here, es mi promesa a usted.)
Artwork by Roanna Fernandes
How are you doing?
Ever since getting back to writing and publishing posts on this blog again, I have a newfound enthusiasm to keep up, continue putting up posts as often as I can. I had a bunch of ideas for Christmas – not all of them saw the light of day (you know this); I was keen to put up a post in the first week of January but fell sick (I am better), some unexpected news came my way and well, there has been a bunch going on in my personal life… But, hey, I am here, now.
This post is just one of those where I muse over the near future and nurse wild hope that I can make things work, this year. I am determined to work extra hard and give everything all I have (one life, they say); take up an interesting full-time job (the focus is to make money but I would like for my weekends to be stress-free and so); continue drawing and pursue even more personal and professional projects (as I have in 2017) etc. (There is a whole list.) The Search for Everything – if I may, friends (thank you, John Mayer)… I wish you love and luck on your journey too. Thank you for your support through mine (silent or otherwise); your comments and compliments fill me with encouragement and a quiet determination to do more (with my craft). For this, I am eternally grateful.
P.S. Kevin, you are sorely missed and will be – forever more; you are loved more than you could have ever fathomed. I know that you are in a better place, now, but I do wish you were still here. Thank you for the memories, and rest in peace, brother. (Should you pray and/or be a believer in the divine forces out there, could you please spare a thought for Kevin and his family, tonight? Their hearts are in need of healing; and their souls – to be soothed.)
Artwork and picture by Roanna Fernandes
¡Feliz Navidad, mis amigos!
Whether you spent Christmas all by yourself, with family or friends, your partner or pet – I hope it was filled with ‘roses’ and warmth. There are some days and nights when you have to tell yourself that the light of sun, moon and stars are worth it. Everything! Life, and all its many mysteries. The little things. Spending part of your time reflecting on love and loss – it is hard, sometimes to count just your blessings. For cracks tend to run deep and show all that is in between. Yes; deep gulps, bitter swallows.
We are here, now and I am grateful. I cannot be anything else. There will continue to be joyful, wild hope following every desperate/destructive moment; there will continue to be plants shooting out of a ground that was only watered by hate – I will try to remember all of this. – So I spent Christmas quietly, with family – as I usually do. There was mulled apple cider that I made (it was my first time making it and uh, it was okay but yay), roast chicken with a home-made stuffing and some saffron pilaf-ish rice (cooked by my sweet, talented mother); we also met my aunts, uncle and cousins for dinner at their home in Mahim, last night. It was surprisingly low-key and lovely – we talked about mental health and sexual harassment (would you believe) and though most of our arguments weren’t met by the elders with conviction, I am glad that the conversation was had.
P.S. This post is dedicated to the inhabitants of a beautiful home in Porvorim (Goa); I have been thinking of all of you, most – this December. (And should you, dear reader, pray on a regular basis to a deity or our mother – Earth, could you please ask for love and light to swiftly and slowly be on its way to this particular family? Thank you for your ears, and eyes, dear reader – you may have them back, now.)
Artwork by Roanna Fernandes